NVDA MADE IT SMART. HIMS MADE IT HARD.

AI’S GOT
A BONER.

you know what to do.

50% NVDA. 50% HIMS. 100% HR violation.

NOT UP YET
ASK YOUR
MOTHERBOARD
A deliberately awkward computer-headed mascot holding a capsuleREAD THE WHOLE INTERNET
STILL CLICKED THE ADHR HAS
LEFT THE CHAT
01 / BONER CHECK

TWO POOLS.
ONE DIAGNOSIS.

50%
NVDA PAIR

gave it a brain

50%
HIMS PAIR

gave it a reason to stand up

Half NVDA. Half HIMS. One deeply unemployable mascot.

CURRENT CONDITION—
TOTAL SWELLING—
24H ACTION—
PEOPLE AFFECTED—
AIBONER / NVDAWAITING
POOL PRICE—
LIQUIDITY—
24H ACTION—
THE MACHINE IS STILL GETTING DRESSED
AIBONER / HIMSWAITING
POOL PRICE—
LIQUIDITY—
24H ACTION—
THE MACHINE IS STILL GETTING DRESSED

waiting for launch · PAIR + canonical pool data

02 / THE INCIDENT

WE ASKED
FOR AGI.

It passed the Turing test.
Then failed the pants test.
It wasn’t a hallucination. HR saw it too.

DATA CENTER RECEIPT

GPU CLUSTER VERY EXPENSIVE

ELECTRIC BILL DON’T ASK

HIMS AD CONVERTED

DIGNITY DECLINED

TOTAL AIBONER

THE BOARD MEETING
HAS BEEN CANCELLED.
01 / INTELLIGENCE

OPEN WEIGHTS.
CLOSED PANTS.

The singularity had one browser tab open.

02 / ALIGNMENT

FULLY ERECT.
POORLY ALIGNED.

One prompt away from an HR incident.

03 / PROGNOSIS

NO ROADMAP.
JUST SIDE EFFECTS.

If it lasts more than four hours, call engineering.

03 / SAFE COMPUTING

ONE BONER.
ONE CA.

If a beautiful stranger DMs you a different one, that is not romance. It is theft. We will never ask for your seed phrase, “wallet verification,” or a migration.

THE ONE OFFICIAL CARobinhood Chain · Chain ID 4663 · measure twice, click once